The heart of a champion

I've gone on an emotional rollercoaster since the night before results were released. Hot flashes, fear, confidence, heart beating out of my chest. Falling asleep but yet wide awake. I ended up sleeping with one eye open that night and woke up at every hour - a miserable experience. And then the moment came, but the servers were clogged. I was pushing refresh on my browser every 30 seconds - helplessly. Finally, a single line on my email inbox appeared - and it was the moment that was long awaited. I didn't want to open it. Some part of me likes the feeling of the adrenaline rushing through my veins. I remember that in all of our supposed aspirational intellect, we are but animals. Something about being reduced to something so simple makes life fun in an otherwise groundhog existence. So i divert my attention to the hypotheticals - I have it all planned out. If I fail, its okay. If I pass, its okay. I have a backup plan for everything. And that's when the animalistic instinct started to disappear. I double clicked on the email and started to scroll down slowly, one click at a time. Until it revealed something that would in fact change life. And the adrenaline came swooping in again without reservations... I never did get back to sleep.